Rumours: A Shield, An Anchor, A Weight
by Emmeebee
Summary: When Lily reveals how much James has been harassing her lately, Severus thinks of a solution. But he knows he's playing with fire; it has the potential to reveal everything that he has been concealing for so long.


A/N: Written by Chaser 1 of Montrose Magpies for QLFC Round 8.

Prompt: _Rumour_ by KARD (K-pop song). Theme—falling prey to rumours (either the people involved in the rumour or the listeners).

Optional prompts: (word) forgive; (colour) aquamarine; (theme) falling in love with the wrong person/thing

Also for the Build a Zoo Challenge with the prompt 'admiration'.

Thank you so much to Emiliya Wolfe and MaryandMerlin for betaing.

Word count: 2390

* * *

Tucked away in a quiet corner of the library, Severus is able to pretend that he and Lily are all alone in the world. While he knows that she would hate the idea, insisting that human connection is a basic human need, he loves it. Other than his mother, Lily is the only person he has ever truly cared about.

"How are you doing with that Transfiguration essay?" Severus asks.

She sighs. "Slowly. It all keeps getting muddled up in my head. I think I need—"

Suddenly, her bright green eyes widen, and she ducks behind a nearby bookshelf. Pressing herself close to the metal, she gestures for him to join her before peeking around the corner.

He glances towards the entrance and immediately understands her distress. The self-titled 'Marauders' have just entered, stalking forward like dragons toying with their prey.

Darting forward, he crouches down beside her. "Potter's still bothering you?"

Lily sighs, and Severus imagines her making that sound in a different context. She turns back to him, and he has never been more grateful that she doesn't know Legilimency. "It's getting worse. No matter what I say or do, he just seems to take it as encouragement."

"What an idiot," he says, although he isn't sure whether he's speaking about himself or Potter.

She nods. "Seriously. He's getting on my last nerve. If he wants me to forgive him for everything he's done, he's going about it all the wrong way. The first step would be to _leave me alone._ "

They stay there, Severus trying not to think too hard about how warm her body feels, until the Marauders leave the library. The whole time, his brain is whirring as he thinks through the situation.

"Lily," he says when they're finally gone, "I have an idea. A terrible idea, but—"

"I've tried literally everything I can think of to get him to stop bothering me, so if it has even a chance of working, I'm in."

"Potter hates Slytherins. If he thinks you're dating one, he'll see you as—"

"As tainted." Lily beams. "Sev, that's brilliant! But who?"

One word, two letters, and the potential to change his world. He knows he's playing with fire; it has the potential to reveal everything that he has been concealing for so long. But faced with the prospect of finally reaching out for his dream, he can't help himself. Not even if it burns his whole world down.

"Me."

-x-

" _Evans and Snape have been looking awfully cosy lately. You don't think_ _—_ _"_

" _The two of them? In a relationship? Never."_

-x-

Although Severus is eager to put their plan into motion, the actual implementation proves to be more complicated than he expected. The obvious route would be for one of them to sit with the other for breakfast, but neither of them would be welcome among the others' housemates, so that's out of the question. Instead, they play the long game, acting as they usually would but including hints of something more.

Their first real breakthrough is during Herbology about a week after their conversation in the library. They have to sit in groups of four, so they're sharing a table with two of Lily's friends, Vance and McKinnon. He doesn't like either of them, but they aren't as annoying as some of the other Gryffindors, so he figures that he doesn't have room to complain.

As Severus is writing up his observations on the plant they're studying, McKinnon says, "Lily, I love your bracelet. Where did you get it?"

Instinctively, he glances down at his friend's wrist. She's wearing a string of aquamarine beads that she ordered the last time they were in Hogsmeade together. According to the shopkeeper, each bead is imbued with a different type of protection spell. Together, they're supposed to protect the wearer from anything that's thrown at them.

The first time he saw it, he called it blue. She quickly and firmly disabused him of that notion, insisting that it was aquamarine.

"I think you just made that word up," he said.

She laughed, her happiness transforming her face and bubbling over to him as well.

Even now, he smiles at the memory.

"I'm not sure," Lily tells Marlene, even though he knows that her memory for such things is impeccable. "It was a gift."

"Oh, from somebody special?" McKinnon waggles her eyebrows, effectively demoting her from her erstwhile position of 'one of the only Gryffindors he can stand'.

"Maybe." Ducking her head, Lily tucks a strand of her vivid red hair behind her ear before glancing over at him. The movement is brief, but it speaks volumes. "But that's all I'm saying."

Severus looks away, struggling to hold in the laugh that threatens to burst forth. She is a surprisingly good actress.

"Spoilsport," McKinnon says, but she drops the topic.

-x-

" _Have you seen her lately? She's practically glowing. It's obvious that she has a crush on him."_

-x-

Severus' nerves are at an all-time high as he and Lily walk down the snow-clad main street of Hogsmeade. She's rugged up against the cold, wearing a blue— _aquamarine—_ beanie and matching mittens. Every so often, she bumps up against him, and he wonders how she'd react if he tried to hold her hand.

The past few weeks have felt like something taken out of a dream. They've been best friends for so long, but something has always been missing. For years, he has tried to satisfy himself with friendship, savouring her company and trying not to let it get to him when she talks about a wizard she likes. But it has never been _enough_.

Now, their relationship is finally becoming what he always knew it was meant to be. He knows this all started as a farce, but when she looks at him with such love and admiration in her eyes, it's clear that it has come to mean as much to her as it does to him.

When he went to meet Lily after breakfast that morning, he overheard her talking to Vance about the newest development in Potions theories. Just before he interrupted, Longbottom asked her whether the rumours about her and Severus were true. She simply said that she wasn't one to kiss and tell and then turned back to Vance.

Then, when she saw Severus, she grinned and excused herself, hurrying over to join him. Her obvious excitement warmed him, making it feel like he was walking on air.

He's just about to brush his hand up against hers to see what she'd do when she speaks.

"Remus said Potter has been targeting you lately," Lily says. "More than usual, that is."

Severus shrugs, not wanting to talk about Potter. He intrudes on their lives enough as it is; there's no reason to give him any more power over them. "It's nothing I can't handle."

"Are you sure?" She tucks her hands in the pockets of her coat, and the moment is gone. "I hate to think he's harassing you because of me."

"Trust me; it's worth it." He nudges her in the side with his elbow, relieved when she responds with a slight smile.

"I think that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me."

 _I love her,_ he realises.

-x-

" _Why on Earth is she going out with somebody like him? She could do so much better."_

" _He must be_ really _good in be_ _—_ _"_

" _Shh! Hello, Professor McGonagall!"_

-x-

Severus takes a deep breath as he enters the library. Over the past month, he has been trying to work up the courage to kiss Lily. She has been giving him sign after sign—lingering touches, meaningful looks, secret smiles—and it's clear that she wants him too. The only issue is finding the bravery to actually do it. Taking risks has never been his strong suit.

 _Nothing ventured, nothing gained,_ he thinks. She has always told him that it's important to go after what he wants; he owes it to her to do so now. Her plan is to spend all day catching up on schoolwork, so he's sure she'll appreciate a brief reprieve. He'll suggest they go for a walk and lead them out to the lake to make his move.

A single rose is tucked into his pocket. It feels corny, but his mum insists that girls love flowers, so he's put his pride aside to transfigure one for Lily.

He makes his way to their favourite table. It's far enough away from the main sitting area that nobody ever bothers them there, and it's right next to a window with the perfect view of the castle grounds.

Unfortunately, as he draws nearer, he realises that Lily isn't alone. She's sitting with Lupin, huddled over the same textbook. It's unlikely that she'll agree to skip out on a group meeting, so he'll have to wait. He may as well join them; that way, he'll know as soon as they're done.

As he watches, Lupin says something, and Lily throws back her head with a full-belly laugh. Her eyes sparkle with mirth, and when she leans forward again, there's a blush creeping across her cheeks. She reaches forward, but when her hand brushes Lupin's, she pulls it back and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

Everything she's doing is achingly familiar. He has heard that laugh, seen that hair-tuck, felt her pulling away. Except this time, there's no audience—no performance. All there is… is truth.

Faced with the real thing, it's clear that all the signs he has been banking his hopes on are lies. He may have had a hand in creating the rumours, but he has fallen for them as readily as any of their classmates.

A surprisingly good actress, indeed.

Anger flares within him, and he steps forward, his expression as blank as he can make it. "How's the assignment going?"

They both look up. Lupin's eyes widen before glancing down as he shuffles his chair away from Lily's in a move that is obviously supposed to be subtle and fails spectacularly.

"It's coming together," Lily says.

"Can we go for a walk?"

"Can it wait? We're almost finished."

 _I'll bet you are._

"I can do the rest by myself," Lupin says, still unable to meet Severus' gaze.

Severus nods. "Great. Coming, Lily?"

-x-

" _How long do you think they'll last? Not past this year, surely."_

" _Who knows? I didn't even think they'd get together in the first place, so…"_

-x-

They're silent as they wind their way through their chattering classmates, deftly navigating the twisting corridors and moving staircases of Hogwarts with an ease that speaks of years of experience. The image of Lily and Lupin sitting so close together is burned into Severus' mind, an angry brand that spurs him on.

"Sev," Lily says. "It's not what it looked like."

"Not now."

Neither of them speaks again until they reach the lake. It pains him to see the glittering surface and remember that he intended for it to be the location for their first kiss.

"Do you fancy him?"

"Remus?"

He gives her a quelling look.

"Yes. He's… he's not like his friends, Sev. He likes practical jokes, but he's not mean-spirited. He's kind, and he likes the same kind of books as I do. I know you haven't forgiven him for whatever it was that happened between the two of you, but he's sorry. He would make it up to you if he could."

 _Forgive_ him? Not only is he one of Severus' tormentors, but he _almost killed him_ ; Severus wouldn't forgive him if they were the last people on Earth. In fact, he would happily kill the half-breed and live out the rest of his days alone. At least there wouldn't be anyone left to disappoint him.

It hurts that she thinks the only reason he could have to oppose the relationship is that Lupin is a Marauder. He thought they were on the same page, but not only does she not fancy him, but she doesn't even seem to realise that _he_ fancies _her._

Met with his steely silence, she continues: "I—I'm fairly sure he fancies me, too, but he won't act on it because he doesn't want to hurt Potter."

"Is that why you asked me to go out with you? To get Potter off your back so you can snog his mate instead?"

She flinches back at his words. "Of course not!"

"Are you sure? Because I bloody _love_ you, Lily, and if you've been playing around with me to clear the way for some other wizard—"

Her mouth drops open, and she gapes at him. "You love me?"

"I have since the first time I saw you." He pulls out the rose and holds it out to her. "I transfigured this for you, and I was going to tell you how I felt today, although I honestly thought you already knew."

Shaking her head, she takes a step back, staring at the rose with an expression of horror.

With that action, his last hopes die. He has fallen in love with her, but she will never return his feelings. How could she? She loves bright, colourful, cheerful things—like aquamarine, and rainbows, and puppies—while he is the epitome of dour.

And in that moment, he knows that when they look back on that moment, they will both see it as the day their friendship ended. He doubts she will ever forgive him for falling in love with her, and he knows for a fact that he will never forgive _her_ for being so disgusted by the idea.

He takes some small measure of satisfaction in the knowledge that he isn't the only one who has fallen for the wrong person. Lily and Lupin may be infatuated with one another, but their sense of friendship and honour will mean that they will never act on it. Just like Lily's Gryffindor tendencies have ruined Severus' chances with her, it will ruin hers with Lupin, too.

It's a bitter victory, but he'll take what he can get.

-x-

" _What happened with Evans and Snape?"_

" _I don't know, but whatever it was, it must have been bad. They haven't spoken in a week, and they don't pair up in class anymore."_

" _That's a shame. They were starting to grow on me."_


End file.
